Saturday, January 22, 2011

King of fishers

The great spiritual patriot that he is, Vijay Mallya was having sleepless nights over the morass in which the Indian democracy had sunk in after the Radiagate became the hot topic of discussion in the cocktail circles. “I had told Ratan not to lean so heavily on one lobbyist. Ratan should have had a retinue of them on his payroll, instead of one single Radia,” Mallya thought to himself, glowing over the first sip of the single malt he had smuggled into India from a local brewery of Scotland.

Mallya had realized the importance of hiring the red hot services of nymphets much before he had conceived the idea of launching the Kingfisher airlines. In fact, he had handpicked over a dozen hot and petite Pomeranian nymphs during the course of weekly parties that he organized in uninhabited beaches in the name of promoting heady brew of various potency that his distilleries produced in giga litres.

Mallya surely was far-sighted. Soon after the launch of the airlines he found his political clout growing manifold. His red hot retinue of airlines staff ensured for each of them a place in the heart of frequent flyer MPs of all color and hue. Then one frothy morning, he got a call from an unlisted satellite phone to his unlisted landline which connects to the bedroom of one of his safe houses located in a remote corner of Karnataka bordering Goa where rave parties are held once every alternate moonless night.

“Hi, Veejay. Sorry to wake you up so early. I am sure, you don’t drink one of those heady stuff from your distillery which give terrible hangovers to all the Bacchus. I have good news. The high command of all political parties have decided to support your nomination to the Rajya Sabha. Cheer up buddy. Your investment in the fleet of red hotties did finally pay results. That particular chick you had sent me was yummy. I had her half grilled,” chirped a familiar voice.

The caller was Mallya’s close chum who had wormed his way up the party ladder to become the head of the all-India anti-liquor committee which ensured that prohibition never got lifted from Gujarat so that Mallya could continue the supply of millions of cases of unaccounted, duty-free whiskey to his baron bootlegger shareholders who now formed the ruling clique under Narendra Modi’s dispensation.

Parallel to his retinue of red hottie fleet, Mallya also lubricated the throats of ever-thirsty journos by replenishing the bars of all the affiliated clubs of the Press Club of India. By an ingenious barter system, his Kingfisher airlines issued air tickets to leading business magazines in return for free insertion of advertisements. This win-win deal enabled some cash-starved publishers frequently fly down to London and Dubai.

“Ratan should not have relied only on Radia to clinch the 2 G spectrum deal when the option of 3 G is known to work wonders – Gimlet, Girls and Greed of politicians for both.

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