Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Getting high on aqua pura

What makes a drink intoxicating?Of course water!Mix water with gin, you get a kick. Mix water with whiskey, you get a kick. Mix water with rum, again you get a kick.Water is the common liquid in all the above concoctions. Therefore, water is the most intoxicating stuff on this earth. Quod Erat Demonstradum (QED).
Convinced by this geometric argument, Tipsy Toddy, out of job ever since the government imposed dry law under the National Toddy Recycling (NTR) programme, decided to make the most of the government's plan to privatise water supply. He brought together all the tipplers under one toddy roof and formed the Aqua Pura Incorporated (API).
The first thing that Tipsy Toddy did was to contact Kahnthibhai, the only son of the late centenarian patriarch in Mohamaya Nagari whose secret of longevity was the quantum of 'water of life' he consumed.
After much surmonising on the ethics of public life, Kahnthibhai agreed to lend his father's name to the new venture on the condition that he be made a sleeping partner.Having gained impeccable legitimacy for his project by roping in the epitome of all that is moral in this widely immoral world of politics, Tipsy tiptoed his way to Big Bull of suitcase fame to secure consultancy on how to go public with a block-buster mega issue.
Big Bull twirled his tail, unlocked his horns, stamped his hoof and politely, if that is the word to describe bullish way of showing civility, turned down Tipsy's plea."Come to me for private consultation after you go public. Go to Hirubhai Dumbani if you want to learn a trick or two about public issue. He has the latest on multiple option mega issue. Besides, he has a direct line to the powers that be at the Centre," said Big Bull, letting Tipsy in on the secret way to sure success.
Tipsy drew a large swig from the pint of water he always carried in his hip pocket, taking extra care not to let Big Bull know."Thank Ram, I was wise enough to have diluted this extra strong, extra dry smuggled water with a liberal dose of that cheap Russian vodka. I would have choked on the water had I taken it neat," mutter Tipsy to himself.
By now, the water was beginning to show its effect on Tipsy as he stepped off the elevator from Big Bull's penthouse. Known for his zig-zag way of walking, Tipsy crossed the road in a straight line, making it amply clear to the world at large that he had one too many of the water.
Tipsy did not remember how he reached home that afternoon."Enough of your water project! If this is how you are going to drown yourself in water now and damage your liver and kidneys, only God can save you once your project comes through," shouted Tipsy's wife Rummy, nee Giniben Daroowala.
"So long as Rummy is going to remain with me, my project is not going to make any progress. I must find a toddy way out to bypass her," Tipsy resolved, drawing an extra large swig from the pot of neat water he had kept hidden in the bathroom.

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