Saturday, July 26, 2014

All gas and bullshit

Health minister Dr. Gobardhan was summarily summoned by Fakendra  Lodi. The call came at 8 PM. Feku, as Fakendra was endearingly called by his blind followers, had a serious pathalogical problem. Despite consuming almost one kilogram of isabgol, airlifted by the special executive jet of oil tycoon Adambani, from Unjha to Tughlakabad, Feku had failed to hit the jackpot. There was only thunder, no shower. 

"Hey Rama ! If the clouds fail to deliver before my scheduled date at the White House, I will end up ejaculating only "Oh Bam Aah, Oh Bam Aah!" on the dinner table. I must cure myself of this congenital ailment immediately," Feku muttered to himself. "Gas works fine till the election time. In fact, the gas has had a mesmerizing effect on the voters who could not differentiate between fragrance and foul smell. Not any more, specially before world's biggest bluff who has successfully befooled everyone into believing that Uncle Sam epitomized virtue, morality and universal brotherhood."

Dr. Gobardhan hurriedly picked up his physician's bag and left post-haste to attend to the boss. A head-reeling smell hit the doctor as he entered Feku's master bedroom. "I need to get accustomed to this odor if I have to retain my job," he said to himself, barely stopping from plugging his nostrils with a handkerchief. 

Feku's balloon pressure (BP) had crossed the double digit figure, keeping pace with the wholesale price index and the rate of inflation. "Boss, nothing to worry about. You will soon start siinging, 'Happy days are here again.' Look, the bhakts are still chanting 'Achche Din aa gaye, aa gaye'," Dr Gobardhan said trying hard to sound confident. 

"Cut the crap. Can't you see I am suffering?," thundered Feku.  This gaseous problem refuses to solidify. You know, I can tackle any solid task that confronts me. But not this amorphous challenge of gas. Look at the irony. I am suffering because of non-stop generation of gas, while my patron tycoon is complaining of less gas find in the offshore Kinder Garten (KG) basein. My pet company GSPC too has failed to hit the gas despite having spent Rs. 8 k core."

"Saheb! Saheb!! Be cool, sit on the stool. You will be fine with just one dose of this specially concocted potion prepared by Baba Kamdev. Just one dose and presto, there will be a solid solution tomorrow morning, for sure. I am prepared to bet my Lage Raho Munnabhai degree," Dr Gobardhan said in a reassuring tone. 

Whether the potion worked or failed will be known only at the dinner table of the White House.

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